When She Realized Her Heart Was Lost
by CuriousToad
Summary: This is a story set a long while after Bette goes after Jodi landing them both in a relationship and how things however perfect may not have turned out the way she wished. Tibette. Rated M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1: Something Amiss

Authors Note: Thank you to all and any who are reading this, this is my first shot at a B/T fanfic and I'm very excited about it. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I am enjoying writing it.

Thank you,

B

* * *

It was a routine morning. Jodi had woken up earlier than she had as usual, showered and in comfy clothes she found the ginger woman and Angelica in the kitchen making breakfast. Bette smiled as her daughter reached out for her immediately.

"Good morning little girl." She greeted while lifting the child to her and holding her briefly. Jodi busied herself with getting her lover a cup of coffee but felt strong arms around her waist and a firm torso press into her back. She let slip a soft sound expressing her contentment.

"Good morning." Bette said and signed in front of the woman who turned in her arms and kissed her tenderly.

"Good morning," Jodi smiled. "Tina called, she was wondering when to come by." Bette reached near by for the phone and paper.

"I'll call her, would you want to take breakfast outside, I'll come in and help..." Jodi shook her head and motioned for her to go.

"That sounds nice, I'll bring it out, go call her." Bette smiled genuinely and stepped outside.

This was morning. She woke up to the smell of cooking and walked into the kitchen to see Jodi busy whipping something up and Angelica sitting in her chair. To most this would be the perfect life, a woman who loves her, who adores her child. And yet this particular morning something felt amiss. Bette dialed Tina's number while sipping her coffee and let her paper sit beside her on the long lounger, listening intently to the ring until she heard the blond.

"Hey Bette" Is the greeting she was both used to and glad to hear. She unknowingly smiled.

"Tina, I was just returning your call." She began.

"Yeah, I was just wondering when you'd like me to come by." Tina stated while looking at the paper pouring over and almost off her desk. The stress of the morning was beginning to stretch her thin and Better heard it with a well trained ear.

"Angie and I will be here all day, Jodi's going to Pasadena for a few days so it's really no rush." She replied sensitively. Tina sighed and nodded to herself.

"Okay, thank you. So just show up then?" She asked while flipping through her newest treatment handed in.

"Yeah, anytime." Bette replied. They said their goodbyes and the brunette soon found herself sitting at their patio table with her lover to her left and daughter at her right. Breakfast was a quiet affair as they often enjoyed the quiet company of the other. Jodi cleared the table once they were finished and came back with another round of coffee. Angie busied herself a little ways away with a coloring book and markers. Bette often watched her daughter fascinated at how usually she tried so hard to keep the color inside the lines unlike most young four year olds who prefer to just scribble all over the pages. Jodi reached across and lay her hand down on Bette's.

"I'm going to miss you." She said with sincerity. Bette shifted her chair closer beside Jodi's and rested her head on her shoulder comfortably.

"You'll only be gone for a few days," Jodi raised her eyebrow at Bette who smiled softly in return. "You know I'll miss you too." The women shared a quiet moment together watching Angie and relaxing in the light California breeze. Bette felt her minds wheels turning, the feeling of that something was beginning to bother her, or annoy. _A little of both _she thought. The idea that one day you wake up just to feel something gone is unnerving like forgetting your name or suddenly not knowing where home is. Bette thought about saying something but rather it wait, see if it subsided and if not bother with it another time. Jodi was about to be leaving and the last thing she wanted to do was for Jodi to worry.

By the time Bette had finished the dishes Jodi had already packed and set her luggage by the door. Angelica looked at it confused trying to make the connection, unknowing that this figure was going anywhere.

"Dodi?" Bette heard her young one say almost questioningly. She looked over to see Angelica pad over to the red haired woman and tug on her jeans. Jodi got down to toddler level and signed _What?_ To which the four year old pointed to the bags. Jodi soundlessly mouthed _Ah _and thought for a moment.

"I'm going away for a little while, to work," Angie looked in immediate distress over this and Jodi pulled her close all the while Bette watch from the kitchen. "Not for long, I'll be home soon." The soft circles the woman rubbed on her back seemed to make Angelica less distressed and slowly she calmed as all three heard a few honks from outside. Jodi kissed Angie's cheeks and forehead and quickly crossed over to her mocha skinned mother wrapping her up in a tight embrace.

"I'll call you tonight," She spoke into brown hair and pulled away after kissing her lovers lips. "I love you."

"I love you too." Bette replied as her woman waved, grabbed her bags and headed out blowing kisses as she left. For a moment the words seemed like a blur. _I love you. _She did love Jodi. She loved Jodi very very much. _ I do. _The words ran through her mind over and over until it felt like she was convincing herself so she stopped. Shaking her head she picked up her daughter and held her. Angie didn't mind the abrupt cuddles soon they found themselves in Bette's room napping at noon with out a thought or care, the brunette letting her mind rest. Even if it was for just the moment.


	2. Chapter 2: The Rocks

Tina all but ran out of the office. Her stress level seemed so high that it made her muscles ache. She brought her hand to the back of her neck and rubbed hard trying to see if she could massage a bit of tension out herself but to no avail. [I] Damn I need to see someone about this.[/i] She thought. The only thing on her mind at that moment was going to Bette's, being able to sit in a familiar room and just relax. Knowing Jodi was going to be out and about made her feel a bit better about intruding her space since now she knew that Bette and Jodi had made that house their home. Even though sometimes it stung a little knowing that she herself called it home for years it was time to move on from that and build a relationship with the women including her little girl so things ran smoothly and that was important.

The drive down wasn't terrible. Tina stopped at a near by grocer and picked up a few snacks she new Angie enjoyed. Even a thing or two she knew Bette liked. It only took moments to get from the store to the house so she took a bit of time looking around before climbing into her car and getting back on track. After she parked on the street, grabbed her purse and bags, she remote locked her car over her shoulder while walking to the front door and after knocking for a few moments decided to try the handle. The door slowly hinged open and she shook her head with the faintest of smiles. [I] Memo: Teach B there's a lock on the front door for a reason. [/i] She stopped for a moment with her eyebrows pursed. [I] Bette. Just Bette. [/i] She corrected herself before softly walking down the hallway after setting her bags down on the kitchen counter. Tina found Bette laying on her side her head resting on her hand rubbing Angie's tummy and humming softly. She barely seemed startled when she looked up to see the blond standing in the door way. Bette simply raised her finger to her lips and motioned for her to join them on the bed and after a slight hesitation she removed her jacket and slowly moved onto the large bed, making sure to keep her movement to a minimum as to not wake her sleeping daughter.

"Hey." The brunette said soft and quiet while her eyes skimmed over Tina's face noticing etchings of tension, stress and exhaustion.

"Hey." Was her reply. They remained like that for quite a while. Every so often catching the others gaze but unsure of whether to speak or stay silent. So naturally, they didn't say a word. It was a very odd situation lying on the bed of your ex partners, the bed she shared with her new lover while your daughter remain asleep between you. Bette, noticing Tina's discomfort, mentally slapped herself for putting her in an awkward situation and gestured the question whether or not she wanted to stay or get up not surprised when she began to rise.

"Sorry.. I wasn't thinking." Bette stated while they entered the kitchen. Tina waved it off.

"It's no problem it's just kind of odd feeling." She said softly. Bette felt the overwhelming feeling from earlier and sat down rather abruptly. It almost felt like a flash and her mind was reeling. [i]What the fuck. [/i] She thought. This didn't go unnoticed but it earned an odd look from the blond.

"You okay?" Tina asked while placing her hand on Bette's back and slowly rubbing in circles. Bette shook her head and sighed deeply.

"I've been feeling so off today, I just don't understand it." The brunette said as she closed her eyes and let Tina's hand calm her nerves.

"Well what do you mean, like depressed?" Tina asked a look of concern passing over her features.

"Just lost." Bette spoke softly and suddenly looked quite interested in the granite counter top. For an odd reason she felt more comfortable speaking to Tina about this feeling than she had earlier when thinking of speaking to Jodi. Their history could have been something to do with it but she wasn't going to say for sure it was just that. Though for now, it seemed legitimate.

"Do you think anything would put you at ease," Bette thought for a moment before yet again shaking her head. "Not even coconut yogurt?" Tina felt relief when Bette close to snorted and gave her a raised brow and smile.

"You brought me yogurt." It was more a statement than a question but Tina just smiled back wearing the same expression.

"Only if you share it with me."

"Done."

They spent time chatting about what was new in their lives, what was going on. Topics passed from Shane's new conquests to Kit and her amazing new text messaging abilities. It seemed to be the first nice, calm and relaxed conversation they had in months. Tina barely noticed the time tick by and when they heard Angelica pad down the hallway with sleepy eyes she instantly awoke at the sight of Tina.

"Momma!" She ran to the blond nearly stumbling but managing to catch herself as she wrapped her arms around the leaning woman's neck and held on tight.

"Woah my girl be careful." She kissed the girls cheeks and hugged her tight. Bette just watched intently until she felt a pang in her chest and decided to grab some air. Tina barely noticed as Bette slipped out onto the patio and sneaked a smoke out of a hidden pack of cigarettes. She sat by the pool smoke in hand and deep in thought. The brunette remained unaware as a pair hazel eyes watched from the kitchen disappointed. In moments Tina seemed to be right beside her.

"Smoking, seriously." Tina almost sounded angry and Bette instantly put out the half cigarette. Before realizing she wasn't a teen being caught and looked at the blond a little irritatedly.

"Not often just every once in a while."

"You know I don't want Angelica around cigarette smoke Bette." The brunette's eyebrows slowly crept up her forehead. [I] Is she seriously starting this right now?[/i] Bette thought.

"You know I would never smoke around her, so don't start that." Bette said before pulling another cigarette out of the pack but before she could they were instantly snatched from her hand and discarded by means of being tossed into the pool.

"Jesus Christ Tina!" Bette close to yelled. Tina turned around and stormed back into the house with Bette hot on her heels.

"What the hell was that about?"

"You know exactly what that was about, no smoking around my daughter." Tina shot back.

"Our daughter!" Bette grabbed Tina's arm and Tina turned around looking extremely irritated.

"Tina what the hell is up.." Bette close to pleaded but it seemed to be no use.

"I'm taking Angelical for the weekend." Tina stated and left Bette standing near the hallway as she entered their daughters room to see Angie attempting to pack her own bag. Bette let out the breath she had been holding and grabbed a glass of water before sitting down on the couch, waiting for Tina to come storming back out with Angelica then leave. [i]We just can't ever seem to have normalcy..[/i]

"Bette where is her.." Tina looked in the kitchen and didn't see the brunette and turned to see that she had taken to the couch, holding a glass of water to her forehead; the sign that tears were close and distraction was needed.

"It's over by the door, hanging up." Bette replied as she stood walking the short distance to the coat rack, grabbing Angie's sweater and handing it to Tina.

"I hope you girls have a good weekend," Bette said softly hoping the argument was over. "I'm just going to give Angie a hug quick, you know your way out." Tina watched was Angie emerged from her room and Bette picked her up, kissed her repeatedly and hugged her tight before passing her off to a quiet Tina. The blond watched as Bette retreated to her bedroom and closed the door. She knew exactly what was going on behind that door. She played it out in her mind; Bette turning over the covers and climbing in, trying hard to keep the salty drops at bay eventually losing, knees tucked high and both arms around the pillow her head rested upon. [i]Good going Kennard.. [/i] Tina thought while leaving the house. Angelica put up a fuss while Tina tried to get her into her car seat not entirely wanting to leave. The blond sighed in defeat.

"Okay okay, we'll only go out for a while.. then we'll come back okay," Angelica seemed fine with that. "Let's just let momma B have some momma alone time for a little." So they made their way to The Planet as Bette lay in her bed letting the movie she called Tina's Visit replay in her head wondering where she had gone wrong.


	3. Chapter 3: Click

Bette laid in the same position until she felt it was time to get up again. It happened, over with, she knew later on she would call Tina and apologize. She also knew that Tina would accept this apology and apologize herself. It was the way they worked. They had their disagreement and then dealt. She made the decision that day not to pick up another cigarette. It was useless anyway, a crutch. It didn't fill the void and Bette sincerely hoped she'd soon find what would.

For a while she just walked through the household, looking from wall to wall. Remembering moments both good and bad, most of them with Tina in them. Jodi seemed to be the person who lived there but never really [i]lived[/i] there. She saw Tina coming out of the bathroom brushing her teeth wearing her blue pj's. Remembered sitting with Tina on her kitchen floor while the woman cried over their miscarried son. Saw the pain on her face when she knew Bette had cheated, and saw the love in her eyes when they decided to give it another shot. It was silly now how she remembered when Tina had told her she had fucked Henry against the door. And how she spent days scrubbing it with every cleaning solution imaginable. This house with full of memories and again she thought, most of them included Tina.

Bette picked up the container of yogurt which still had a few spoonfuls left in it and cleaned it out entirely. It looked like it was starting to get dark and she thought about calling Tina but decided to wait a bit longer after a few moments of thought. Then the phone rang.

"Hello?" Bette said after forgetting to look at the caller I.D.

"Porter, are you like a hermit now or something?" Alice rang through loud and clear. Bette tossed the container in the garbage and the spoon in the sink.

"Yes Alice, I've taken to never leaving my house, and grown a beard and live off chinese take out." The brunette replied sarcastically. She heard a muffled giggle on the other end.

"Shave that shit," Was the response she got. "That's all I'm gonna say." The girls chatted on for a while as Alice filled her friend in on the latest L.A. Gossip that she was obviously bursting to talk about with someone who didn't already know. Bette listened intently letting the woman carry on and giving her opinion when it was needed. It was long after they began the call Bette heard a knock at the door.

"Al someone's here, I gotta go."

"Okay cool, you'll be at The Planet next Tuesday right, dyke night.. don't miss it." Alice


End file.
